I learnt something ...

from the nurses, not the doctor, yesterday! Apparently it takes 6 to 12 months after you have finished having chemo, for its effects to fully leave the body!! Maybe my doctor or someone told me that before, but if so I'd completely forgotten it! I really need to take that on board and get rid of my unrealistic expectations about what I 'should' be able to do!!

Anyway - my last mabthera treatment yesterday - went fine, like a breeze. Though my blood levels have got lower this time. I'm wondering if the fact that I'd given up on taking the astrogalus (Chinese herb) lately has had an impact on them? I stopped because I thought it wasn't doing anything. My blood levels didn't seem to be improving. But they weren't going backwards either!! Anyway, I'm back on that now! And my doctor said just to watch my temperature (ie. take it if I think it's rising, and let the hospital know immediately if that happens), and not to worry?!?!

Meeting with doctor went fine. He's scheduled a series of 'end of treatment' tests for after Easter - bone marrow biopsy, PET and CT scans. He said he's not expecting to find anything, but just to be sure/have as a reference point. And then (I think) I'll be down to 3-monthly visits to him, to keep an eye on things.

Now I can forget about it all for the next 6 weeks anyway!!! Have to take it a bit easy today - I'm always a bit tired the day after treatment. But things are good, going well ... !

just standing ...

Well, I went to class on the weekend. I was pretty tired the whole weekend, but decided I would go anyway. I'm glad I did. I told Richard I thought I'd start off (again!) by just doing standing, as he had suggested the previous time I started again! He was pleased - said he always suggests that to people who are starting back after a long illness (or whatever) but very few people would do that! (good mark to me!!)

Anyway, that's what I did, and it was good. I was glad. I'm going to carry on that way for a few weeks and gradually build up again.

Coz actually I was quite tired this weekend ... I'd been tired the previous one, the first one after coming back to work, and felt fine about that. But this time I wasn't expecting it and so was a bit disappointed! However, I expect I'm suffering from a case of unrealistic expectations about my progress! In that I'm thinking I'm already fully recovered! Obviously not the case ... Just have to keep reminding myself to take it one step at a time!

(from a not very patient person!)

new beginnings ...

Yeay - my back is better! I managed to get a cancellation appt with my osteopath yesterday morning, and she definitely fixed it this time! (fingers still crossed after saying that!) Today I decided to start doing lunch-hour yoga again. I'm going to (probably) keep going to class one day a week and will do whatever of my 1st series practice feels right to do; but the rest of the time I think I'm going to take it incredibly slowly and build it up (from a very slow start!)

Of course I have all these plans and ideas and things will probably change, but that's where I am now!!

And - depending on what the doctor says next week, I may well start to think about putting this blog to sleep (hopefully forever from the point of view of me having to write about my cancer journey!), and going back to my original one. But we shall see ... :)

If it's not one thing it's another ...

Yeah - I've now got a bad back! Honestly ... I haven't had one of those for years, and I wish I didn't now too! No idea how - my osteopath thought maybe sleeping badly in a wet tent on a wet mattress at Woodford might have something to do with it ... whatever! Unfortunately my osteopath is too popular for her own good - well, for my good anyway! Had to wait till next week (a week from today) before I can see her again. Right now paracetamol is my friend!

Not helping yoga either. Didn't go to class on the weekend - am scared of doing more damage to it. Oh well - must stop whinging about it all. After what's happened to me in the past few months this is nothing!

Anyway - went back to work last week for the first time in 6-7 months! And it was great - I felt good at work, enjoyed it (using my brain and skills!) and wasn't tired. Well, I was exhausted when I got home the first evening, but since then I've been fine. I have been careful and not doing too much ...

Finally a film report! I've been to see 3 films in the last few weeks:

Golden Compass: I loved that. Based on a children's book - sort of fantasy and futuristic, but as though it was imagined by someone from the late 19th/early 20th century. People were travelling in airships, and driving in wonderfully weird machines.

2 Days in Paris: Again, I loved this. Very funny!

I am Legend: Saw this last night - it was far too scarey for me! If I'd known how scarey it was I'd never have gone! Also, there were a few too many inconsistencies. Like, how come his car looked so clean after 5 years?!

That's it!!

Back to class ... at last!

Well, I went to my first Mysore class in just over 6 months today! And it was ... wonderful, and sort of like I'd never left! Not that my practice was like it had been last July. On my teacher's suggestion I did less sun salutes, left out the parivriti (sp?!) variations and finished standing early. Then just did some sitting - to marichyasana C, and some finishing poses. But it felt great - didn't feel like I was pushing myself too much or anything. And the teacher said some of my practice even looked better than before!! Go figure ... !

Apart from that I have been working my way through a list of things to do before I go back to work - which day is fast approaching - 21st January. I had my 2nd-last hospital treatment (mabthera) last Tuesday. Am going to have a proper discussion with my doctor next time about what happens next, etc!!

And next weekend (well, probably next Friday) I'm going down to stay with a friend in Byron Bay (or nearby) for the weekend. Same place I went to with Wendi for a night a couple of months ago. Hopefully the weather will be nice enough to swim - in fact I think it'll have be pretty bad for me to forego a chance to swim in the ocean!!

new year, new healthy me!

It's kind of surreal to be here in a new year, looking back at last year, and thinking about aspirations (resolutions?!) for this year. Previously when I've been here it's been kind of prosaic. Stuff like - better job, travel overseas, progress in yoga, and add in good health as an afterthought! This year I'm wishing everyone a happy and extremely healthy new year! And that's definitely what I wish for myself!

When big things happen to you, it makes you realise what is really important in life! I look back at the last 6 months and still kind of roll my eyes and wonder - did that really happen? What was that all about?! Still feel like I've spent the past few months in a kind of bubble, beside but not in 'normal' life. And as I look towards getting back into that (so-called!) 'normal life' later this month, I feel it's important to not just get submerged back into things as though nothing had happened. I'm not really sure what that means - mostly that I want to appreciate and enjoy life, and not just drift through without stopping to experience what's important!!

One of the things I'm looking forward to is starting yoga properly again! Classes start at my shala again next week ... I don't know how far I'll get - certainly no further than navasana! When I was at the Woodford festival this past week I did a couple of 'flow yoga' classes. Showed me where my flexibility is (or isn't!), and ditto strength. I couldn't even hold downdog for long ... ! But in a way it'll be nice to start over again ...

update from downunder

Well, since I last wrote I've been getting stronger, and getting accustomed to being 'in remission'! So I'm no longer faintly downcast (?!!) and half-wishing I was still going to the hospital! (Did I really feel that? Saying/writing it makes it seem even more ridiculous!!)

It seems this feeling runs in the family! Another of my half-sisters who also had cancer apparently had to stop after the 4th of 6 treatments for the same reason I did (ie. low white blood cell count), and felt like she'd failed the course! Even though she's now well over the 5 years remission ('clean'?!!) mark. And a friend in London sent me an email saying I had to stop being institutionalised!! I laughed, because it struck a chord! She (you!) will be glad to know I'm well on the way to being de-institutionalised!!!

Yesterday I went to the hospital to have another CT scan, and then to have my monthly treatment of mabthera. Had a good chat to the doctor. Apparently my WBC (white blood cells) are improving, but still taking a long time - ie. not there yet!!

I asked him whether he thought I'd be able have the stem cell collection procedure at the end of this treatment (February). He kind of sidestepped that and said he no longer felt it was a useful treatment for my type of lymphoma. He said he used to do it and transplant the stem cells at the end of treatment, but research had shown it didn't make much difference one way or the other.

Anyway, things still looking good, although my haemaglobin is a bit down at the moment. I'm taking folic acid, but I think I'll look out for B12 too - not being a meat-eater means one's options are more limited (broccoli, spinach or supplements as far as I can tell!!)

I've started going back to the gym (Curves) to build up some strength. I still can't stand up from sitting on the floor without using my hands, but my strength (such as it was!) is definitely on the way back.

For whatever reason (I can think of a few but don't know how valid they are!!) I've decided to wait to start back at yoga till after Christmas and Woodford. Too many interruptions as far as I can see between now and January. I will keep doing some sun salutes etc. but a proper practice will have to wait till then.

And I'm going back to work on the 21st January! So I'll have to fit in everything I want to do (mostly getting stronger and better!) before then ... :)