new beginnings ...

Yeay - my back is better! I managed to get a cancellation appt with my osteopath yesterday morning, and she definitely fixed it this time! (fingers still crossed after saying that!) Today I decided to start doing lunch-hour yoga again. I'm going to (probably) keep going to class one day a week and will do whatever of my 1st series practice feels right to do; but the rest of the time I think I'm going to take it incredibly slowly and build it up (from a very slow start!)

Of course I have all these plans and ideas and things will probably change, but that's where I am now!!

And - depending on what the doctor says next week, I may well start to think about putting this blog to sleep (hopefully forever from the point of view of me having to write about my cancer journey!), and going back to my original one. But we shall see ... :)

If it's not one thing it's another ...

Yeah - I've now got a bad back! Honestly ... I haven't had one of those for years, and I wish I didn't now too! No idea how - my osteopath thought maybe sleeping badly in a wet tent on a wet mattress at Woodford might have something to do with it ... whatever! Unfortunately my osteopath is too popular for her own good - well, for my good anyway! Had to wait till next week (a week from today) before I can see her again. Right now paracetamol is my friend!

Not helping yoga either. Didn't go to class on the weekend - am scared of doing more damage to it. Oh well - must stop whinging about it all. After what's happened to me in the past few months this is nothing!

Anyway - went back to work last week for the first time in 6-7 months! And it was great - I felt good at work, enjoyed it (using my brain and skills!) and wasn't tired. Well, I was exhausted when I got home the first evening, but since then I've been fine. I have been careful and not doing too much ...

Finally a film report! I've been to see 3 films in the last few weeks:

Golden Compass: I loved that. Based on a children's book - sort of fantasy and futuristic, but as though it was imagined by someone from the late 19th/early 20th century. People were travelling in airships, and driving in wonderfully weird machines.

2 Days in Paris: Again, I loved this. Very funny!

I am Legend: Saw this last night - it was far too scarey for me! If I'd known how scarey it was I'd never have gone! Also, there were a few too many inconsistencies. Like, how come his car looked so clean after 5 years?!

That's it!!

Back to class ... at last!

Well, I went to my first Mysore class in just over 6 months today! And it was ... wonderful, and sort of like I'd never left! Not that my practice was like it had been last July. On my teacher's suggestion I did less sun salutes, left out the parivriti (sp?!) variations and finished standing early. Then just did some sitting - to marichyasana C, and some finishing poses. But it felt great - didn't feel like I was pushing myself too much or anything. And the teacher said some of my practice even looked better than before!! Go figure ... !

Apart from that I have been working my way through a list of things to do before I go back to work - which day is fast approaching - 21st January. I had my 2nd-last hospital treatment (mabthera) last Tuesday. Am going to have a proper discussion with my doctor next time about what happens next, etc!!

And next weekend (well, probably next Friday) I'm going down to stay with a friend in Byron Bay (or nearby) for the weekend. Same place I went to with Wendi for a night a couple of months ago. Hopefully the weather will be nice enough to swim - in fact I think it'll have be pretty bad for me to forego a chance to swim in the ocean!!

new year, new healthy me!

It's kind of surreal to be here in a new year, looking back at last year, and thinking about aspirations (resolutions?!) for this year. Previously when I've been here it's been kind of prosaic. Stuff like - better job, travel overseas, progress in yoga, and add in good health as an afterthought! This year I'm wishing everyone a happy and extremely healthy new year! And that's definitely what I wish for myself!

When big things happen to you, it makes you realise what is really important in life! I look back at the last 6 months and still kind of roll my eyes and wonder - did that really happen? What was that all about?! Still feel like I've spent the past few months in a kind of bubble, beside but not in 'normal' life. And as I look towards getting back into that (so-called!) 'normal life' later this month, I feel it's important to not just get submerged back into things as though nothing had happened. I'm not really sure what that means - mostly that I want to appreciate and enjoy life, and not just drift through without stopping to experience what's important!!

One of the things I'm looking forward to is starting yoga properly again! Classes start at my shala again next week ... I don't know how far I'll get - certainly no further than navasana! When I was at the Woodford festival this past week I did a couple of 'flow yoga' classes. Showed me where my flexibility is (or isn't!), and ditto strength. I couldn't even hold downdog for long ... ! But in a way it'll be nice to start over again ...

update from downunder

Well, since I last wrote I've been getting stronger, and getting accustomed to being 'in remission'! So I'm no longer faintly downcast (?!!) and half-wishing I was still going to the hospital! (Did I really feel that? Saying/writing it makes it seem even more ridiculous!!)

It seems this feeling runs in the family! Another of my half-sisters who also had cancer apparently had to stop after the 4th of 6 treatments for the same reason I did (ie. low white blood cell count), and felt like she'd failed the course! Even though she's now well over the 5 years remission ('clean'?!!) mark. And a friend in London sent me an email saying I had to stop being institutionalised!! I laughed, because it struck a chord! She (you!) will be glad to know I'm well on the way to being de-institutionalised!!!

Yesterday I went to the hospital to have another CT scan, and then to have my monthly treatment of mabthera. Had a good chat to the doctor. Apparently my WBC (white blood cells) are improving, but still taking a long time - ie. not there yet!!

I asked him whether he thought I'd be able have the stem cell collection procedure at the end of this treatment (February). He kind of sidestepped that and said he no longer felt it was a useful treatment for my type of lymphoma. He said he used to do it and transplant the stem cells at the end of treatment, but research had shown it didn't make much difference one way or the other.

Anyway, things still looking good, although my haemaglobin is a bit down at the moment. I'm taking folic acid, but I think I'll look out for B12 too - not being a meat-eater means one's options are more limited (broccoli, spinach or supplements as far as I can tell!!)

I've started going back to the gym (Curves) to build up some strength. I still can't stand up from sitting on the floor without using my hands, but my strength (such as it was!) is definitely on the way back.

For whatever reason (I can think of a few but don't know how valid they are!!) I've decided to wait to start back at yoga till after Christmas and Woodford. Too many interruptions as far as I can see between now and January. I will keep doing some sun salutes etc. but a proper practice will have to wait till then.

And I'm going back to work on the 21st January! So I'll have to fit in everything I want to do (mostly getting stronger and better!) before then ... :)

In Remission - no more nasty chemo!!

Yes, it's true! Much to my surprise - in fact I was quite taken aback when my doctor told me that I was in remission and he wasn't going to give me any more chemo! I had seriously been expecting to be told I'd be back in hospital the following Monday! But no, I'm finished with the chemo and am now on the upward slope of getting my strength back and planning to go back to work next January!

I'm still having the monoclonal antibody treatment (called Mabthera here in Oz. Rituxin in the USA) every 4 weeks until February. I have that as a day patient at the hospital - 'administered' the same way as the chemo, ie. through the portacath. But that's all. No more anti-fungal medication (?!), no more spending weeks in hospital ... ! To be honest it still seems really odd! Everyone that I tell is utterly thrilled and excited, and I'm still wondering about it all ...

I guess part of that is because he did say that since my white blood cells had still not recovered sufficiently, he actually couldn't give me any more chemo, even if he'd wanted to! So I guess it's lucky I am in remission!! And to date he/they haven't been able to do the stem cell collection. Don't know if they will in the future, or if it's just something that won't be possible.

I do have heaps of questions now, but at the time I was just so dumbstruck (I'm writing them down to ask the doctor next time I see him)! He kept saying to me: "this is good news Susie!!" Anyway, they'll do a whole heap more tests (bone marrow biopsy, CT and PET scans) in February, and hopefully (as I fully expect!) I'll be clear then too ...

So ... more news later but it was way past time to write here again). (Don't get me started on the computer problems I've been having!!)

:)

Still at home ... it's been a while!

Haven't written for ages so I'm pulling myself together and putting a few things down!

I did get out of hospital that Friday - without having the stem cell collection in the end. My white blood cells and stem cells were not recovering fast enough and it was going to go into the following week ... the head sister on the ward basically told my doctor I'd go mad if I wasn't discharged, so I was!! Good to see the people right on the ground still have that power - or in this case that I have a doctor who is happy to accept their recommendations!!

So anyway, I came home and my friend Wendy was here for 2 weeks with me which was lovely. We had such a lovely time together, as she said, it's all very well to have long distance friendships, but you really need to spend time together sometimes! She's on her way back home now - left on Monday for the UK and back to Portugal in another couple of days.

When I first came home I was really tired and lacking in energy - much more than in previous times. But I have slowly gathered strength again and now - just over 3 weeks after I left hospital, I'm feeling pretty good. I've been having blood tests regularly - so far my wbc are still low but I think recovering now. I've had another bone marrow biopsy to see what was happening, and the good news is that the lymphoma has not returned!

But I'm on a 'wait and see' policy about when I go back to the hospital / resume chemo etc. The doctor said he may end up changing my treatment around a bit ... I really hate this open-ended aspect - I want to see an end date!! But I have to a) know that 'this too will pass' (always easier to quote that to others than to apply it to oneself!!), and b) trust the doctor. Which I do ... I'm seeing him in a few days and we'll be able to talk about all of this, and hopefully get some sort of plan again!!

Next week I'm going down to NSW to stay at my mother's for a few days, which will be nice.

The other thing that is affecting my life at the moment is - car problems! I have spent so much on my car this year - it's had two major things wrong with it and was off the road for over a month. I live 15 minutes drive out of town, so this meant I had to hire a car for all that time ... And now, another similar problem!! It's in the garage now and hopefully they will fix it next week so when I come back from down south I'll be able to pick it up again ... Grrrrrrr!!!!