It wasn't so bad!

So, I had the first gammaglubulin infusion (IVIG) today, and apart from the fact that I had to get up at 5.15am to get to the hospital for 7am, it wasn't that bad really!

Of course I did have a few reactions which slowed things down. They up the flow-rate gradually and once they started doing this I started to have a bit of difficulty breathing. (Nothing dramatic - just couldn't breathe in as much as normal.) So, the dose went down again for a while. Then the nurse upped it again a couple of times, and I suddenly started shivering, and feeling really cold. So the nurse rang my doctor, and I got given an antihistamine and some cortizoid steroid or other. They had to wait for half an hour for them to kick in, and then my infusions were re-started, this time successfully! The flow rate get getting raised with no problems!

It was nice to see all the old familiar faces, and they were all pleased to see me too (even the cleaners and people who bring meals round remembered me!) And sitting in the day chemo room is a really interesting experience! People who haven't had cancer, or a close friend/relative with it would never imagine it like this. Everyone is really cheerful and happy, reading their books/newspapers/magazines, listening to their iPods, chatting with their friends who've come in with them. Not the sort of picture that would come to mind about having to have chemo! Because the type of chemo I had (HyperCVAD) was very intense, I actually had my treatment as an in-patient in the hospital - stayed in for around 14 days each time. So this is a new experience for me!

Anyway, I guess it won't be that bad, especially if I either don't have those reactions again, or else I'm given the drugs at the beginning. It took about 5 hours this time but without all the stops and starts it should get back down to no more than 4 hours I think. Apparently the effect is cumulative - it won't make that much difference after just one treatment, but will build up over the next few months. We shall see ... :)

Sigh! and a bit of a hissy fit!

Well, I saw my specialist today. And as suspected (see this post on my other blog!), because my immunoglobulin levels are so low I do have to have the monthly infusions ... in fact I'm having the first one on Friday!

I'm just going to have a bit of a hissy fit, OK, and then I'll calm down and it'll end up being a part of my 'normal' (!) life ... :)

But right now, this second - I so did not want this to be happening to me! I know it's not a huge thing in the whole scheme of things, specially after what's happened to me in the last year or so! But somehow it really got to me. Almost more than when I was first diagnosed, oddly enough!

Actually, just re-reading that makes me smile and feel somewhat better! I really do need to get a grip on reality!

The waiting room was heaving with people and Dr B was a little harassed! I think there had been some double-bookings or something. And there was me trying to weazel out of having to go through this whole regime (which I might add, is open-ended - ie. every month indefinitely!!). I kept bringing up this and that that I'd heard about on forums, or read on blogs, and he basically kept coming back to the fact that he was the lymphoma specialist and he sees/treats first-hand many many lymphoma patients. Really, (and this is me speaking now) - who is the lymphoma expert? Me because I've read a lot about other people's experiences with it, or him who is dealing with patients and treating their problems every day ... ?!

I think it's the bronchiectasis that I've developed that is the main culprit. If I hadn't come down with that, then even though my immunoglobulin levels are low, I might well have been able to avoid the infusions. But apparently once you have that, it's a prime source of infection in your lungs and because I have a damaged immune system I'd be likely to end up in hospital for a week each time!

So - there's no avoiding it! As I knew all the time. My feeble attempts at knowing what was the best treatment for me better than him were always bound to fail. And I really do know that in a month or two, this will turn into 'no big deal' - as my friend kept telling me at lunch! I was in such a state through the appointment that I never asked about my blood counts or asked a lot of the other questions I had ... I'll be seeing him again in a month and hopefully I'll do all that then!

I did go up and see the nurses after my appointment (Dr B's rooms are on the ground floor of the hospital I was in) and they were very pleased to see me (and the home-made fudge I'd brought them as a Christmas present!) Big hugs all round - and they said they'd make sure I got through the infusions quickly!!

I do feel better after all that whinging (Aussie term meaning complaining!) and stuff! Hopefully I've now got it off my chest and I shall just go back to enjoying life! Which is good, let me not forget that! :)

It's true - I'm really feeling a lot better!

Just a short note to say that the CT scan of my chest showed signs of a chest infection - nothing else! So I was prescribed some antibiotics for the infection which I started taking at the beginning of last week. Also last week I went back to the acupuncturist I had been seeing in the intervals between chemo treatments last year. I'd suddenly remembered him and wondered if acupuncture could help get rid of this infection/virus/whatever.

And - one or both of them have had a significant effect! I didn't say anything for a few days, because in the course of this illness I have thought I was getting better a few times, only for it to come back with a vegeance a day or two later. But I really am feeling so much better - yippee!!

I am looking forward to teasing my doctor when I see him again just before Christmas, by telling him that I don't know if it was his antibiotics, or the acupuncture treatment that fixed me up!!

October visit to my specialist

Saw my haematologist on Wednesday for my 3-monthly check-up. It seemed like I/we spent most of the visit talking about my current (not-related) health issues with sinusitis + a "post-viral cough". Which I have posted about interminably on my other blog! I said to him - I'm treating you like my GP! But he didn't mind - I think he likes to know pretty much everything that's going on with me health-wise ...

He had the results of the bloodtest I'd had the previous week (more about that later) and, having done a quick check of me told me that there were no signs of the lymphoma coming back. Well, I hadn't thought there were, but it was still very nice to have this emphasised to me.

He did say that, because my immunity had been pretty much wiped out last year when I was having chemo, there was a faint possibility I had some obscure infection in my lungs that hadn't shown up on the chest XRay my GP had got me to have, and so I'm having a CT scan of my chest next week. I didn't know CT scans would show this sort of thing. Anyway, it'll be good to - either knock out that possibility, or else find out and get it fixed. It's been over 6 weeks of interminable coughing and I just want it to end!!

Anyway - to my blood test results. Great news!! They've gone up again - and I would have thought that all the effort my immune system must be making fighting this 'whatever', would have brought it down!

WBC: 4.5
Neuts: 2.6
Platelets: 152

All now within 'normal' range! Yeayy!! It's taken a year, since my last chemo. And the WBC and Neutrophils have pretty much doubled in the last 3 months. All in all, I'm extremely pleased!!

I'll hear from him later this week about the results from the CT scan. Apart from that I'm going back to see him just before Christmas ...

Portacath came out

This month another step away from being a cancer patient and back to normal life! My portacath was taken out on Thursday 7th August. Happened at the Wesley Hospital, same place where it was put in. Brisbane Private Hospital, ('my' hospital) being smaller and not having the advanced Radiology facilities to do this.

I had it done under twilight sedation, which I much prefer to full anaesthetic. Pretty simple - just half a day there. Then Lorraine came to collect me and drive me home, as I couldn't drive that day.

I think I probably had slightly under-estimated the effects this would have on me. I assumed it would be like the insertion, which was really easy. Or am I just not remembering it accurately? When I had it put in I went straight from there to the Brisbane Private Hospital, onto mabthera (rituxin), and then chemo the next morning. So there was a lot of new stuff going on!

Anyway, I was expecting a bit of pain/discomfort for a couple of days, and then nothing. So when it still hurt to touch 4-5 days after I began to wonder/worry. But having raised this on the Webmagic NHL board I heard lots of stories about discomfort/pain lasting for 2-3 months, so decided to stop worrying! After all, it'd been in there for 13 months, so it's bound to take a bit of time before it settles down.

And now it's 2 weeks since I had it removed. I've had all the stitches out and it's feeling a lot better. I don't really imagine it's going to be a problem at all ... :)

Great scan results, Good report from doctor

Well, readers of my other blog will know that I had PET and CT scans a couple of weeks ago at the end of June, and the results were a big Negative, which is an even bigger POSITIVE in terms of my health ... In other words, no evidence of disease! So that was great news. Today I saw my doctor for my 3-monthly appointment, and we went through my big list of questions (which I always seem to accumulate to take to him!) Of course there were a few that I somehow didn't get to, but most of them got answered.

I asked him about Stem Cell collections (actually I meant to ask him about potential Stem Cell Transplants, particularly a mini Allo, but somehow we didn't get to that!) Anyway, after my last chemo we were trying for a stem cell collection, but the required stem cells just weren't materialising, so it never happened. I'd heard about a new drug called AMD3100 that supposedly mobilises 5-8 times more stem cells than Neupogen alone, so I asked him about this. He said that it's still in trials, and isn't available for use in Australia. But he said that as my blood counts were improving (more about that later) he thought that maybe at the beginning of 2009 we might be able to try again for a stem cell collection, using some other drug that I hadn't heard of and can't remember (!) He said that if we tried now it would most likely not succeed as my blood counts weren't high enough, but hopefully in a few months' time it would. He also said that he wouldn't be planning on giving me chemo as part of that procedure.

On the blood test results, my levels are slowly (slowly!) getting better:

Haemoglobin - 111
Platelets - 106 (first time they've been in 3 figures for a year!)
White Cell Count - 2.8
Neutrophils - 1.2

Still low compared to when I started on this 'interesting' journey, but creeping up all the time. I read somewhere about someone whose blood levels took over 2 years to recover. Doctor B said that mine may never recover to what they were but they would be 'acceptable' and enough to keep me from getting infections etc - in other words, to do the job my white blood cells are meant to do.

What else - oh yes, my portacath can come out! I've got an appointment for that to happen in about 3 weeks' time - yeay! As he said, if I need it again it isn't any big drama to put one back in.

We discussed future scans. He said it was up to me whether I had them regularly. He feels he can tell what's happening with me without them, so it depended on whether I needed that extra check. He said he probably wouldn't recommend PET scans anyway as they often give false positives. In the end we agreed on yearly CT scans, which I'm happy about. Interestingly, he said something to the effect that early detection of a recurrence wouldn't affect treatment. In other words, it didn't matter if it wasn't found for a while ...

I also told him about a NY Times article I'd read recently stating that cancer was becoming more of a chronic illness than a 'death sentence' (which I'd never taken it as anyway!) He said that was exactly what he'd been telling students recently!

So anyway, I'm very happy about things! I see him again in 3 months time - no doubt with a new list of questions! But right now I'm happy to let my remission from NHL take a back seat in my life.

I'll be back posting here in October after my next appointment - in the meantime those who are interested in following my 'normal life' can do so here!

:)

New template - I did it!

Well, I just couldn't leave this blog with that other boring, boring template! So I've found another one. It came from the same place as my other new one (see the link at the bottom if you're interested).

And now to my final health report for now! I had another blood test last Monday and saw my doctor the following day. (my birthday!!) The blood test results were - well, I was going to list them all out but now I can't find them!! If I find them later I'll come back and change this post, but in the meantime ... Basically my WBC levels had come down from the last test (done about 6 weeks ago). But the doctor reckons that these previous test results were probably reflecting the booster neupogen injection I'd had a few weeks earlier. If we take those results out of the equation, then my WBC levels are coming up. So he was pleased, and so was I (once I'd had that explained to me!)

I'll be having scans (PET and CT) at the end of June, and will see my doctor a couple of weeks after that (though he did say he'd ring the results through to me). Assuming all is well with them (which we both are!) he said he's not going to get more scans (or BMBs) done unless there's some other indication of problems down the line in the future. I guess I'll be seeing him every 3 months or so for a while. But I am clear to have a flu injection (which I wasn't last time I saw him), and I can do anything I want! Like go to India, Morocco (that's next year!) etc etc! Yippeee!!!

So, I'll post updates on my health here when there's news. Let's hope there's none, or very little!! No - I'll report here whenever I see the doctor / have tests, etc. But otherwise, for my normal, (happily boring!) life, you'll have to go to my other blog! And, see you here again in July ... :)

Gone back to my other blog

Had to happen - I'm going back to my original blog - http://susiegb.blogspot.com, and will just post health updates here on this one. Hopefully that won't be happening too often - in that hopefully there won't be much to report on health-wise!! I will post after my meeting with my haematologist next Tuesday. But apart from that, anyone who wants to know what I'm up to will have to go to my other blog!

It's been great doing this - I definitely recommend blogging to anyone who goes through anything like this. Because it's very easy to forget about how it all was, and it's so good to be able to re-visit it from a distance and see how it was, and how far you've come ... :)

And I will definitely update this template sometime!

rope-able!

I cannot believe I was so stupid! I had decided I'd go back to my old 'journeys' blog soon, and leave this one, now that I'm in remission(!) I still intend to update it with health-news, but I'm moving away from my health being the dominant issue in my life (wonderful to be able to say that!) and so wanted to go back to the other one.

So I had been been looking around the web for nice new Blogger templates ... I found a very nice one, but at one point I'd come back to look at the code for this blog's template to see where it had come from. And I forgot. So I uploaded the new template here, and because I hadn't saved the old (lovely!) template, that one is gone!!

grrr.... #@!!@#@!

Anyway, I've found another simple template for here as a stop-gap, and will keep my eyes open for (yet) another template for this site. I'm keeping the other one (a goldfish theme!) for my 'journeys' blog, which I'll probably go back to in a week or so. Just kind of waiting till I've seen the doctor again next week ... :)

busy busy busy ... :)

Had a great, if very busy, weekend. But - come to think of it, it's Monday after a busy busy weekend and I'm not tired. So that's really good - my energy levels must still be on the rise!

So, on Saturday I rushed around on the weekend, organising things for the big party, then on Sunday went to a choir alto rehearsal, out to lunch with relatives and got back in time (well a bit late, but still!) for a friend who'd come over for me to give her a lesson on her new, cute-as-anything iPod nano! She's off on a big overseas trip on Wednesday, to the US and then the UK for a couple of months. She won a Churchill Fellowship to investigate the establishment of a collaborative print/poetry small press! (I copied that blurb from the website!) I'm also looking after her chooks while she's away!

And I did manage to get to yoga class too, which was good. It's interesting, my flexibility and strength are still not back as they were, so I'm using the opportunity to approach most poses as being new to me, and sort of seeing them through new eyes, seeing new aspects to them.

Practising with someone different

Well, when it came time to go into Brisbane to my yoga class on the weekend I didn't feel up to the 40 minute drive, so instead I practiced at home with Mr Swenson! It's the first time I've done that and it was good. Though I only got as far as the marichyasanas, and wasn't doing full vinyasa or anything. But it felt really positive. I've had a real block about practising at home for ages - best I was able to do was practice at work at lunch-time (don't ask me what the difference is - I don't know!) Maybe now I'll find it easier ... !

I actually got the David Swenson DVD last year in the hope I could use it when I was in hospital or something - but that idea didn't go anywhere as I ended up not being able (strong enough) to practice then. Now I think I'll get the John Scott DVD too.

Last week I ended up going to the university health clinic and seeing the doctor. Hadn't seen her since I started my treatment last year so she was pleased to see me and catch up on how it'd all been. But - because my cough had been hanging around and getting worse, I felt I needed to get it checked out. Had a chest x-ray and turns out I've got (or had) bronchitis! Great!! Onto the antibiotics again and now (4 days later) am feeling much better. Not coughing myself sick at night etc anymore !!!

And ... life is good :)

For Dog and (particularly) Cat lovers - very funny!

Someone at work sent me this, knowing I was a cat person. I loved it!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

party, and blood levels, and easter

In the order of the blog title ...

1. I'm having a party! Yes, shy, retiring me is getting out there and having a party! I figured I've got so much to celebrate after the past few months, and decided to combine it with my birthday next month. And for the invitation, I found this photo of me taken more years ago than I like to remember! It was in India in the 70s ... :) Just a few birthdays ago, as it says!!

So the party is going to be held in the back yard of this lovely cafe in Brisbane - they are doing the catering and all. I just have to invite the people, extract a contribution from them (!) and do the music!! No doubt pictures from it will appear here afterwards! It's pretty exciting! All part of my new year's resolution to be open to new opportunities!


2. And next: I had a blood test yesterday and when I rang my doctor for the results I was fully expecting to be told they'd fallen and I needed to have another injection to stimulate the white blood cell production. But the injection I had last month seems to have jump-started my bone marrow! My haemaglobin had gone up to 82 (from 50) and my neutrophils are now 3.1 (up from 1.something)!! I was thrilled and my doctor is really pleased too!

3. And I had such a lovely time in NSW (new south wales) at Easter! My brother-in-law and nephews came to my Mum's on Good Friday and took us out to lunch. That evening she had arranged for some people to come round for drinks (my mother being an indefatigable entertainer!). Then on Saturday we went to Sydney, had yum cha in Chinatown (with Jo and Emma), and then saw the Elton John musical - Billy Elliott. Based on the film ... Just fantastic! Apparently it's going from Sydney to New York - so all you NY-ers who are into muscials - go and see it! It's still on in London apparently, too. And finally on Sunday we had a quieter day - phew!

Got home on Monday afternoon, just in time to receive 5 chooks coming to stay for a few months while their owners go overseas! Fresh eggs again - yum!

rushing ...

I smiled when I read yoga gumbo's blog this morning - why am I online! Well, I'm online coz I'm at work and since I've achieved something I have been struggling with for ages (a 3-level CSS navigation menu) I've got a bit of space to hang out! But I'm flying to Sydney tomorrow. Haven't done any packing yet, and I'm still intending to go to choir practice tonight. So before I go out tonight I've got to somehow pack without my cat seeing me doing this! Not easy - specially when I have no idea what I'm going to take! Then go off to choir practice 45 minutes drive away. Then tomorrow morning I've got to get Miss Mieke Pussycat into her carry-box, leave the house by 7am, drop said pussycat off at the pet motel, and then get to the airport parking place by 8.30am. A big ask ... So I really better not imagine I can get my laptop out at home tonight!

Despite all my whinging about colds (which I've still got!) I managed to get to yoga on the weekend. So glad I did - it was wonderful. Haven't managed to do any more since then because I'm still not feeling 100% and am doing my best to 'be sensible' and look after myself. But I'm taking my mat with me to Sydney (well, country NSW) and hope to be able to give it a go down there.

I'm also feeling a bit ashamed of myself, making such a big deal about what is really, just a cold, albeit a nasty one. I think I need to try and ease myself back from this health obsession! I know it's all understandable and everything, but still - I need to get a reality check about what I'm getting upset about! Save it up for something that deserves being upset about!

2 steps forward 1 step back - sound familiar?!

I guess that's my life story at the moment. But hey - I should be grateful it's not 1 step forward 2 steps back!!

So, on Monday evening I got that 'scratchy sore throat' feeling and thought - uh oh! One of the guys I work with had been off for a week with a really nasty cold and it looked like it was coming my way! Which it was/did! I've been off work the last couple of days, which means eating into my holiday days, as I've got no sick days left at the moment! No yoga, no 'curves' ... hopefully I can make it to yoga on Saturday. We shall see.

I started with the 1 step back bit. But on Tuesday I went to see my doctor, and the results from my blood test the previous week were pretty good! My neutrophils are up to 1.1. Can't remember when they were that high before! Just so you know, 'normal' is 2.0 to 7.5. But mine have been hovering around the 0.4 - 0.6 range for months! And my platelet count was up too, to 57. (Normal count = 150-450 so a ways to go there!)

However, before anyone gets too excited, he said it was probably largely because of an injection I was given just before I left hospital last month to stimulate the production of white blood cells. The effects of this last for about a month. However, I'm going to have another blood test in a couple of weeks, and if it's gone right down again, have another of those injections. He thinks it 'may' help my bone marrow recovery. At the least it should help me avoid getting staph infections!

Anyway, though I've been fed up having to be off sick yet again, and feeling like death warmed up(!), I'm still pretty pleased about my blood results. And today I've been feeling a bit better so I may go back to work tomorrow. Just the one day and then the weekend.

This post needs a title but I don't know what it is!!

Finally made it to yoga last Saturday. It was wonderful to be there - once again apologies and explanations to the teachers for this being my 3rd re-start!! I really noticed my lack of strength. By the time I'd done 5 Surya Namaskar As and then 3 Bs, I had to stop (the Surya Namaskars I mean)! My shoulders were really tired from being in downdog. I can't remember that happening since the days when I first started ... ! Anyway, I did all of standing, and then some finishing. Not doing shoulderstand yet but am doing that 'legs up the wall' pose - can't remember what it's called Like a more passive shoulderstand I guess.

And so far this week I've done one practice at work at lunchtime. (Didn't go as far!) Tomorrow I should be able to do another one. So that'll mean I'll have practiced 3 times this week. I guess it's a start !!!

Yesterday after work I went to my (cranial) osteopath. She got really excited because she said my body told her what treatment she should give me!! Whatever that means, it feels good now. And then on to choir practice. I'm only staying for about half of that at the moment, leaving at 8.30pm. If I stayed till it finishes normally, 9.30pm, I wouldn't get home till after 10pm and I think that's a bit too late for me at the moment! Oh I'm having to mollycoddle myself so much these days ...

my superhero quizz!

Who the heck was the Green Lantern?!!!!







Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

another new start!

Seem to be making a habit of these ... sigh!

So, I'm back at work again, trying to take it easy and not do too much. And trying very hard to be a bit more careful about hygiene etc. Never was a great one for that - always happy to pick food up off (my) floor and eat it! But all this has given me a bit of a fright - on Sunday I cut myself in the kitchen and got in a complete panic that some of the staph bugs that live all over our skins could get into me again via the cut! Rushed around madly looking for disinfectant etc ... Touch wood I seem to be OK (it is Thursday after all now) from that. But it was a bit of a wake-up call to take more care and be more aware for a while, till hopefully my immune system comes back up.

Went to choir practice last night for the first time (since last July). That was lovely ... I was actually a bit tired and could have done with not having to drive into Brisbane. But I really wanted to get the music and just see everyone again. I only stayed till 8.30, and was home and in bed by 9.30 so I guess it wasn't too bad!

And so to yoga ... am going back to class on Saturday again - that's what I mean about another new start! I've been missing for 2 weeks from class so it'll be nice to go back again, and start again from the beginning. Not that I had got past 'the beginning' anyway, so ...

big smiles all round

Me and the pussycat are home - both of us very happy to be here! Feeling 100%, bone marrow completely clear and everything looking great again!

Tomorrow a big day working on the foame:e poetry zine, the new edition for which goes live on 1st March. The 2 other people involved are coming over here (with lunch!) to spend the day working through what's been done and what still needs to be done.

Then Sunday and Monday I can collapse again, going back to work on Tuesday ... :)

she spoke too soon ...

Well, funny how things can change! During the week I was feeling more and more tired, and suddenly realised I should be checking my temperature. On Friday evening when I got home from work I did that and discovered I had one! 38.2C! So I rang the hospital, and got a call back a while later telling me to come back in!!

Not what I had been planning to do with my weekend!! Most of my clothes were waiting to be washed over the weekend, I had hardly any library books ... a very different scenario from when I would go into hospital last year! And what to do with my pussycat?! In the end I decided I'd probably only be in a couple of days, so left lots of food down for her, plus her cat-door open so she could get in and out. Took enough clothes for 4 days, a couple of books and my laptop, and drove off. Five days later, and I'm still here, though I'm feeling fine!

Turned out I had a staph infection in my porta-cath (the device they 'implanted' into me to drip intravenous fluids/chemo into me). God knows how it got there, but ... Anyway, they had to resort to pretty heavy duty antibiotics to get rid of it (I've been on 3 different ones of varying strengths!). But by Monday I'd stopped having shivering, teeth-chattering fits and/or heat attacks and my temperature had gone back to normal! And I have been feeling perfectly fine since then! My doctor is keeping me here till the end of the week as he wants to keep the antibiotics up so make sure it doesn't come back. Which seems like a good idea!

Luckily I managed to get someone to go out to my house on Sunday to collect some more clothes, and most importantly, to catch Mieke pussycat and take her to the pet motel! That was such a weight off my mind that she managed to do this! I'd been so worried about her ... she's such a sociable cat, and hates being left for even a couple of days!

Felt really bad to be off work for another week (at least) after I'd only been back for three. I know it's not my fault, but still ... They are, of course, being really supportive and telling me to take whatever time I need.

I certainly do live in interesting times ... :)

I learnt something ...

from the nurses, not the doctor, yesterday! Apparently it takes 6 to 12 months after you have finished having chemo, for its effects to fully leave the body!! Maybe my doctor or someone told me that before, but if so I'd completely forgotten it! I really need to take that on board and get rid of my unrealistic expectations about what I 'should' be able to do!!

Anyway - my last mabthera treatment yesterday - went fine, like a breeze. Though my blood levels have got lower this time. I'm wondering if the fact that I'd given up on taking the astrogalus (Chinese herb) lately has had an impact on them? I stopped because I thought it wasn't doing anything. My blood levels didn't seem to be improving. But they weren't going backwards either!! Anyway, I'm back on that now! And my doctor said just to watch my temperature (ie. take it if I think it's rising, and let the hospital know immediately if that happens), and not to worry?!?!

Meeting with doctor went fine. He's scheduled a series of 'end of treatment' tests for after Easter - bone marrow biopsy, PET and CT scans. He said he's not expecting to find anything, but just to be sure/have as a reference point. And then (I think) I'll be down to 3-monthly visits to him, to keep an eye on things.

Now I can forget about it all for the next 6 weeks anyway!!! Have to take it a bit easy today - I'm always a bit tired the day after treatment. But things are good, going well ... !

just standing ...

Well, I went to class on the weekend. I was pretty tired the whole weekend, but decided I would go anyway. I'm glad I did. I told Richard I thought I'd start off (again!) by just doing standing, as he had suggested the previous time I started again! He was pleased - said he always suggests that to people who are starting back after a long illness (or whatever) but very few people would do that! (good mark to me!!)

Anyway, that's what I did, and it was good. I was glad. I'm going to carry on that way for a few weeks and gradually build up again.

Coz actually I was quite tired this weekend ... I'd been tired the previous one, the first one after coming back to work, and felt fine about that. But this time I wasn't expecting it and so was a bit disappointed! However, I expect I'm suffering from a case of unrealistic expectations about my progress! In that I'm thinking I'm already fully recovered! Obviously not the case ... Just have to keep reminding myself to take it one step at a time!

(from a not very patient person!)

new beginnings ...

Yeay - my back is better! I managed to get a cancellation appt with my osteopath yesterday morning, and she definitely fixed it this time! (fingers still crossed after saying that!) Today I decided to start doing lunch-hour yoga again. I'm going to (probably) keep going to class one day a week and will do whatever of my 1st series practice feels right to do; but the rest of the time I think I'm going to take it incredibly slowly and build it up (from a very slow start!)

Of course I have all these plans and ideas and things will probably change, but that's where I am now!!

And - depending on what the doctor says next week, I may well start to think about putting this blog to sleep (hopefully forever from the point of view of me having to write about my cancer journey!), and going back to my original one. But we shall see ... :)

If it's not one thing it's another ...

Yeah - I've now got a bad back! Honestly ... I haven't had one of those for years, and I wish I didn't now too! No idea how - my osteopath thought maybe sleeping badly in a wet tent on a wet mattress at Woodford might have something to do with it ... whatever! Unfortunately my osteopath is too popular for her own good - well, for my good anyway! Had to wait till next week (a week from today) before I can see her again. Right now paracetamol is my friend!

Not helping yoga either. Didn't go to class on the weekend - am scared of doing more damage to it. Oh well - must stop whinging about it all. After what's happened to me in the past few months this is nothing!

Anyway - went back to work last week for the first time in 6-7 months! And it was great - I felt good at work, enjoyed it (using my brain and skills!) and wasn't tired. Well, I was exhausted when I got home the first evening, but since then I've been fine. I have been careful and not doing too much ...

Finally a film report! I've been to see 3 films in the last few weeks:

Golden Compass: I loved that. Based on a children's book - sort of fantasy and futuristic, but as though it was imagined by someone from the late 19th/early 20th century. People were travelling in airships, and driving in wonderfully weird machines.

2 Days in Paris: Again, I loved this. Very funny!

I am Legend: Saw this last night - it was far too scarey for me! If I'd known how scarey it was I'd never have gone! Also, there were a few too many inconsistencies. Like, how come his car looked so clean after 5 years?!

That's it!!

Back to class ... at last!

Well, I went to my first Mysore class in just over 6 months today! And it was ... wonderful, and sort of like I'd never left! Not that my practice was like it had been last July. On my teacher's suggestion I did less sun salutes, left out the parivriti (sp?!) variations and finished standing early. Then just did some sitting - to marichyasana C, and some finishing poses. But it felt great - didn't feel like I was pushing myself too much or anything. And the teacher said some of my practice even looked better than before!! Go figure ... !

Apart from that I have been working my way through a list of things to do before I go back to work - which day is fast approaching - 21st January. I had my 2nd-last hospital treatment (mabthera) last Tuesday. Am going to have a proper discussion with my doctor next time about what happens next, etc!!

And next weekend (well, probably next Friday) I'm going down to stay with a friend in Byron Bay (or nearby) for the weekend. Same place I went to with Wendi for a night a couple of months ago. Hopefully the weather will be nice enough to swim - in fact I think it'll have be pretty bad for me to forego a chance to swim in the ocean!!

new year, new healthy me!

It's kind of surreal to be here in a new year, looking back at last year, and thinking about aspirations (resolutions?!) for this year. Previously when I've been here it's been kind of prosaic. Stuff like - better job, travel overseas, progress in yoga, and add in good health as an afterthought! This year I'm wishing everyone a happy and extremely healthy new year! And that's definitely what I wish for myself!

When big things happen to you, it makes you realise what is really important in life! I look back at the last 6 months and still kind of roll my eyes and wonder - did that really happen? What was that all about?! Still feel like I've spent the past few months in a kind of bubble, beside but not in 'normal' life. And as I look towards getting back into that (so-called!) 'normal life' later this month, I feel it's important to not just get submerged back into things as though nothing had happened. I'm not really sure what that means - mostly that I want to appreciate and enjoy life, and not just drift through without stopping to experience what's important!!

One of the things I'm looking forward to is starting yoga properly again! Classes start at my shala again next week ... I don't know how far I'll get - certainly no further than navasana! When I was at the Woodford festival this past week I did a couple of 'flow yoga' classes. Showed me where my flexibility is (or isn't!), and ditto strength. I couldn't even hold downdog for long ... ! But in a way it'll be nice to start over again ...